Phrases That Make You Scream
- “Use other door”
- “Back in an hour”
- “Your call is important to us”
- “Batteries not included”
- “May I put you on hold for a minute”
- “This may sting a little”
- “Use other door”
Please add your favourites you will find it quite cathartic, or maddening.
Bill Bristow is a Partner at BCM
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13 comments
‘Best before’ on food items. Just tell me, is it off or not!?
‘No offense but…’ usually means “I am about to say something really offensive”.
“Open other end” on a packet of biscuits… like it really matters?!
“At the end of the day,”
That one drive me nuts, why because I am guilty of using and to be frank, what does it really mean
“All things said and done is another one”
On Alicia point about best before, I am fine with that, when you share your house with 4 teenagers it is good to know how long they have been cultivating items in the fridge “or atrium, as I often refer it to” they seem to think it is a place to cultivate fungi” Old pizzas etc
K
Usually preceding the dreaded do-over, one of my favourites: “You guys really nailed this! But …”
This (obviously a peanut product, such as… oh I don’t know… peanuts) may contain traces of nuts (!)
“Is there anything else I can help you with today?” … call centre operators (especially those offshore) who usually don’t seem to be able to help you with anything!
“Are you OK for sizes in there?” (annoying shop assistants hovering around clothing store fitting rooms)
“Serving Suggestion” (e.g. accompanying a picture of a Salada biscuit dressed up as an hor d’oevre)
“Two Eps Back-to-Back” (FTA TV’s annoying shortening of the word ‘episodes’)
With all due respect …. some phrases that annoy me include:
Moving forward
Touching base
Ticking all the boxes
FYI
‘Flagging’ stuff
so essentially…..
“More than happy”
How can you be more than happy? Sounds like a dangerous mental condition.
“Takes the cake”
Where? Where do you take the cake? The bakery?
“Down the tubes”
What tubes? Do you ever see any tubes?
“In your own words”
Do you seriously have your own words? Next time someone tells you to use your own words, shout “Nikk Beebo Flarney Quando Floooooo!”
Anyone who mentions Jesus more than three hundred times in a two-minute conversation.
Just reading most of the phrases in these responses gives me the willies, though I have to admit there are two of Aaron’s phrases that I really must respond to.
“Down the tubes” is a variation of ”down the toilet” (the “tubes” being a slang term for the pipework in the plumbing). Personally, I find that a rather useful and aptly descriptive phrase at times!
“Take the cake” is one of those phrases that, to me, keep a little piece of history alive. My understanding is that it comes from an old custom in USA slavery states where slaves would walk in pairs around a cake at a party, and the most graceful pair would be awarded the cake as a prize. The expressions “cake walk” and “a piece of cake” probably come from the same custom.
Here endeth the English lesson!
‘…at the end of the day…’
[...comes night but what about it?]
‘It’s our policy…’
[which is usually followed by 'Good grief! It appears my policy and your policy are at odds. We'll go with mine then because I have the money, I am the consumer and the Fair Trading Act prefers mine.']
‘Happy Holidays.’
[FFS! It's a celebration of Jesus' birthday is it not?]
‘Are you busy?’
‘Mummy, I definitely told you I have to have the full uniform of an 1894 Captain of the Imperial Japanese Army* for English tomorrow.’
[* insert any obscure item that has never been previously mentioned and without which the child will either pass/fail the subject or become a social pariah].
‘Can I just show you this?’
[...While deliberating on the thinking throne.]
‘Hi. How are you?’
‘What are you thinking?’
[Particularly in a romantic context but at all. Ever.]
‘I’m sure I gave it to you…’.
‘…do not hesitate to contact me.’
[WTF? Presumptuous & redundant that one.]
‘Who stole my lunch/chocolate/drink from the fridge?’
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